The middle-class guide to choosing a pet

CHILDREN have confirmed that when Granny and Grandad come over to babysit only Granny actually does any work. 

Three-year-olds to 11-year-olds stated that while Grandad was technically present, Granny did their tea, their bath, read them a story, put them to bed, and dealt with any bedtime-related urine incidents while he sat on the sofa.

Tom Booker, aged seven, said: “I asked Grandad if he would get me a cup of milk. He shouted Granny and carried on reading a book about steam trains.

“Also Granny changes my brother’s nappies, plays with us, tidies up our toys, cleans up the kitchen, does drawings with us and sings us our bedtime songs. Grandad must be very tired.”

Mother Emily Booker said: “Dad’s contractually obliged to come, but the only evidence that he’s actually been present is that the TV’s on the History Channel.

“When you ask what he did, he just says ‘I’m not as good with the baby as your mother’ or ‘I did the driving’ until everyone loses the will to live.”

Tom Booker said: “Grandad just sits and does nothing. He’s my favourite. I hope when I grow up I can be like him.”